Ten points decided the outcome of the Boston Derby Dames home season opener, Wicked Pissahs vs. the Nutcrackers. Both teams smashed their way through this killer bout, but the Nutcrackers came out on top, with a final score of 227-217.
The first half was all about lengthy, high-scoring jams. The Nuts took a 10-1 lead right out of the gate with newcomer Womanimal lead jamming, with some exciting jammer-on-jammer action. Señora Slaughter, in the first of many power jams, extended the Nuts’ lead. The Pissahs struck back with Rock power jamming her way through the Nuts pack despite awesome blocking by Mandoline Slicer and Captain Crunchher, tightening the Nuts’ lead to 40-27. Womanimal once again (sensing a pattern?) took lead jammer, ducking and dodging as Pissah jammer Lisa Lionheart got stuck in a pack of Nuts largely due to fantastic blocking by Dottie Danger. 67-31, Nutcrackers.
The Pissahs tightened the race in Jam 5 with Stevie Nixher getting lead jammer and scoring a solid twenty points during a power jam, while Neurotic Tendency and Slapt did some incredible blocking. Big jam for the Pissahs!
Next up, Pissah jammer Rock came up against Nuts jammer Haddie Collider; it was a beautiful pairing as Haddie speds through to get lead jammer. Jam 7 brought more excitement as Slapt got out, Womanimal hot on her tail. 69-55, Nuts.
In Jam 9, Haddie Collider raced ahead as formidable Pissahs jammer Rock was caught in a defensive web spun by Nuts blockers Planitz Collide, Mystic R.I.P. Her, Wild Boardom, and Badonkey Kong. Nuts 84, Pissahs 55.
Pissah Evabyn Slapt got lead jammer skating backwards but immediately got knocked out as Nuts jammer Womanimal charged past her. Nutcracker Dottie Danger then cleared the way for Whammy by knocking out two Wicked Pissahs.
Nuts defense shined yet again as Planitz and Badonkey Kong held back the Pissahs jammer and Slaughter took lead jammer yet again. Geena received the star pass and slid in hot on Slaughter’s heels, leaving the score Nuts 100, Pissahs 60.
Nuts blocker (and co-captain) Dingo showed her mettle holding back the Pissahs as the Nuts extended their lead to 112-64. Pissah jammers continued to be held back by the likes of Badonkey Kong and Hex O. Skeleton, and Nut Haddie Collider struck points on a power jam. Tonight was a night of power jams!
A chorus of “Whose nuts? These nuts!!” accompanied the start of the seventeenth jam, as Slaughter and Slapt lined up behind the blockers, while Nuts captains Dingo and Planitz waited within the penalty box. Slapt slammed through the Nuts blockers, getting lead jammer, while Slaughter received a nasty knockdown by Stevie Nixher. 137 to 78, Nuts.
The Nuts definitely had the fans’ hearts, as “These nuts!” chants filled the arena, but Pissah fans, not to be outdone, retaliated with their own cheers. Slapt charged through Nuts defense RJ Cray and Reckless Rehab, but got knocked out by Planitz. Five points for the Pissahs.
It’s jam nineteen, Rock vs. Whammy, both held back by stubborn blockers, but Whammy broke through as Rock is sent flying off the track at the apex. Whammy looked to be trapped on her second pass behind a tough wall formed by Nixher, Neurotic, and Bloodbath, but snuck by spectacularly, skating on one foot.
In the last jam of the first half, Planitz Collide donned the jammer star and quickly knocked the Pissahs jammer Lisa Lionheart off the track, even before they approached the blockers, and Dingo, with some impressive blocking, carved a path for Planitz to weave through.
At halftime, the score is 164-89, Nutcrackers. During the break we saw some heartwarming bipartisanship, however, as Nutcracker Dottie Danger comes to the rescue of a Pissah with a broken toe stop.
The second half of this game was all about the action: Seasoned Pissah Estrogeena Davis scored three points while new Nut Womanimal got stuck and run back. In the next jam, Stevie Nixher easily slid ahead as blockers Neurotic Tendency and Slim Hurt’n carved a space for her. The jams come short and quick, but the Nuts continued to lead, 164-98.
Whammy breaks through a cool two-arm hold by Pissahs Rough Ann Tumble and Maully O’ffender, and in the next jam gets sent to the penally box for a back block while Nixher skates around racking up points—the score is Nuts 172, Pissahs 107.
In Jam 27 we see Guns vs. Slaughter, a quick jam before Guns calls it off after one scoring pass. The Pissahs show off in Jam 28, with Geena powering through Nuts defensive powerhouses Planitz and Mandoline Slicer, while Pissah blocker Rock knocks the Nuts’s jammer on her butt with a sweet hit.
The Pissahs are still fighting, eating away at the Nuts’s lead. Pissahs Stevie Nixher and Gun Show both get lead jammer status one after another with Nuts hot on their tails. At the end of Jam 32, the score is 186-133, Nuts.
Jam 33 is quick, but one for the ages: Womanimal vs. Gun Show. Guns cuts in front once again, but not for lack of incredible athleticism by Womanimal. Watching these women skate will blow your mind.
Next we see some jammer-on-jammer action as Estrogeena Davis lands a hit on Haddie Collider, who slides gracefully into a mohawk to stay in bounds. An official review lands Haddie Collider in the box at the beginning of the next jam, with Stevie Nixher charging up against Planitz, Crunch, and Dottie Danger. Nixer hands a mean hit on Danger, charging through in a power jam, a jam full of big falls and nasty hits.
Haddie takes a shoulder to the head and passes the star from Haddie to Planitz, who gets sent to the box for a track cut immediately, leaving Nixher to have her second power jam in the last two minutes. The score is closed up to 191-173, what!?!
This game just got a lot closer. Guns goes hard up against the defensive trio of RJ Cray, Slicer, and Mystic R.I.P. Her, while Planitz charges out of the box and makes it through the Pissah defense, but not before the Pissahs get eight more points.
Once again we see Whammy come up against Geena and it’s so close, but Geena comes out ahead by a hair–the two are neck and neck when Geena calls it off. Incredible blocking by Truant of the Wicked Pissahs.
Nuts jammer Slaughter breaks though a tough defensive Pissah knot, as Pissah jammer Stevie Nixher gets knocked out and into the center, almost colliding with officials. Neurotic Tendency and Planitz Collide, on opposing teams, are both showing that they’re powerhouses of coordinated defensive blocking. The score is 197 to 181, Nuts.
This game has entered a lightning round of jams, barely too fast to type. It’s Womanimal against Gun Show, who’s stuck behind a seemingly endless mass of Nuts blockers, including the ferocious EmNasty. The Nuts score six points.
Jam 41 finds Geena up against Dottie Danger, both knocked out and forced into lengthy runbacks even before lead jammer is called – but it’s Geena for the Pissahs, leaping forward into lead jammer status with Dottie hard on her heels. More second half jams fly by, the lead jammers are NOT letting the jams last, they’re calling them strategically to prevent the opposing team from scoring.
In Jam 44, Dottie Danger beautifully sneaks down the inside line to get a scoring pass before calling it off, it’s joyous to watch Dottie celebrate after a great jam. The score is 210-185, Nuts. But don’t get too comfortable, Nutcrackers, next we see Gun Show get a power jam and rack up fourteen points before she’s taken down by Mandoline Slicer. The Nutcrackers’s lead is shortened to twelve points, with only minutes left!
Dottie Danger solidifies the Nuts’ lead to 219-199 going into the last jam of the night. It’s Nutcracker Slaughter vs. Wicked Pissah Stevie Nixher, both skating powerfully tonight. Slaughter gets trapped behind blockers Salty and Rough Ann Tumble as Nixher charges into lead jammer. Pissah defense is shining as Nixher races around with Slaughter stuck in place and forced into runbacks. Rock is knocking Nuts every which way and Nixher skates on, scoring eighteen points in one jam. The game is over. Nutcrackers 227, Pissahs 217. Wow. A ten point game! Bet you didn’t see that one coming.
Womanimal and Badonkey Kong were crowned most valuable jammer and blocker for the Nutcrackers, respectively. The Wicked Pissahs named jammer Stevie Nixher and blocker Evabyn Slapt as their MVPs.