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All sights set on the Golden Fez

Photo by Art Newburg

April 15th marked the end of Boston Roller Derby Home Teams regular season as teams begin the road to playoffs. A packed Shriner’s Auditorium cheered all four home teams during one of the most exciting nights of the season. Join us on May 5 at Simoni Ice Rink in Cambridge, MA for Home Team Playoffs. Tickets on sale now!

The Wicked Pissahs were victorious over the Harbor Horrors, final score 242-194.
The Cosmonaughties eeked out a win in the last jam over the Nutcrackers, final score 224-222.

Boston Roller Derby Most Valuable Players for Games 5 & 6:
Wicked Pissahs MVJ: Small Fox
Wicked Pissahs MVB: Amy Rock
Nutcrackers MVJ: Peaches ‘N Creamya
Nutcrackers MVB: Betty Trouble
Cosmonaughties MVJ: Maya Mangleyou
Cosmonaughties MVB: Stone Cold Killa
Harbor Horrors MVJ: M.C. Slamher
Harbor Horrors MVB: Rainbow Crash


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BRD Rolls Into 2018 with an Exciting Home Team Opener

2018 marks the start of a fresh season filled with fresh faces. All four home teams debuted their newly drafted rookies in front of a packed house at Shriner’s Auditorium in Wilmington, MA on January 20. With sights set on the Golden Fez, each team played amazing jams filled with thrills, spills, and athleticism.

The Wicked Pissahs took the win over the Nutcrackers, final score 209-170.
The Cosmonaughties came out triumphant over the Harbor Horrors, final score 286-226.

Boston Roller Derby Most Valuable Players for Games 1 & 2:
Wicked Pissahs MVJ: Pocket Rocket
Wicked Pissahs MVB: Sweet Enemy
Nutcrackers MVJ: Janelle Ellison
Nutcrackers MVB: Agent MauledHer
Cosmonaughties MVJ: Maya Mangleyou
Cosmonaughties MVB: Lil Sumpin’
Harbor Horrors MVJ: Tara N. Tula
Harbor Horrors MVB: Trauma in the D. R.

Can’t wait for more roller derby action? Tickets are now on sale for games 3 & 4 on February 24.


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Watch the 2016 Home Team Championships

Weren’t able to make it to the Golden Fez Champs and you wish you could have been there for every hit? You’re in luck! The New England Roller Derby Report (NERDerby) live streamed the games, and you can watch—and rewatch—those archives. When you’re done, read our championship game recap for even more Boston Roller Derby coverage.

HARBOR HORRORS VS WICKED PISSAHS

COSMONAUGHTIES VS NUTCRACKERS

Follow NERDerby on Twitter and Facebook


Posted in Media, Video


Harbor Horrors Win the 2016 Golden Fez Cup

WATCH THE NERDerby GAME ARCHIVES 👈👀

The 2016 Boston Roller Derby home team season closed out with an exciting doubleheader on Oct. 22, which the Cosmonaughties kicked off by solidly taking third place in their matchup against the Nutcrackers. The second game of the night—the championship battle—was a test of endurance between two skilled teams with heavy hitters, quick-footed jammers and deep benches of veteran experience mixed with rookie talent. The audience in Shriners Auditorium was held in anticipation until the final whistle when the Harbor Horrors pulled an upset over the Wicked Pissahs in a thrilling finale.

The Harbor Horrors had a 2-2 season record, while the Wicked Pissahs entered undefeated. The game started off with back-to-back power jams in the first jam of the game, as Stevie Nixher picked up a penalty for the Pissahs but was quickly followed to the box by the Horrors’ Flyin’ King. The jam ended 10-5 in favor of the Horrors, setting the tone for a tight back-and-forth game, with power jams repeatedly dropping lead changes.

The game remained tensely close, with the Horrors only holding a 3-point lead over the Pissahs at the end of the first half. The Pissahs, perhaps inspired by Gunpowder Gelatine’s cover of Queen’s “We Are The Champions” during the halftime show, started to pull away with a more comfortable lead in the second period.

But power jams continued to swing the momentum back and forth. With less than six minutes remaining in the game, Rainbow Crash delivered multiple scoring passes on a power jam against a scrambling Pissah defense—tightening her opponent’s margin to just a single point. The Pissahs continued to hold onto a narrow lead, but quickly lost it when Stevie Nixher was sent to the box and Flyin’ King was handed a power start. King skillfully maneuvered around blockers to deliver a lead change and a small point advantage for the Horrors, which the Pissahs weren’t able to overcome before the final whistle. The Harbor Horrors won 182-177, marking their third championship title in Boston Roller Derby’s history.

“This year’s Fez championship was an incredible game! The Pissahs are a very tough opponent,” beamed Harbor Horrors Co-Captain MC Slamher. “The Horrors have put in a lot of work, but we also had a lot of fun this season. It was great to end on such a close game. We fought hard for that win!”

Many thanks to all of the friends, fans, family and volunteers for making this such a successful night and for supporting Boston Roller Derby throughout the season. See you in 2017!

✨baby’s first fez✨ —Little Debbie DownHer via Instagram


FINAL SCORES

3rd Place Game: 220 – 155 (Cosmos)
1st Place Game: 182 – 177 (Horrors)

MVPs

Most Valuable Jammer: Jackie K.O. (Cosmos)
Most Valuable Blocker: Firefly (Cosmos)

Most Valuable Jammer: Flyin’ King (Horrors)
Most Valuable Blocker: Boston CreamHer (Horrors)

Most Valuable Jammer: Stevie Nixher (Pissahs)
Most Valuable Blocker: Sweet Enemy (Pissahs)

Most Valuable Jammer: Mandi Marino (Nuts)
Most Valuable Blocker: Moxi Moonwalk (Nuts)

FINAL HOME TEAM RANKINGS

Harbor Horrors: 1st Place (3-2)
Wicked Pissahs:
2nd Place (4-1)
Cosmonaughties:
3rd Place (3-2)
Nutcrackers:
 4th Place (0-5)

CHAMPIONSHIP TITLES WON BY TEAMS

Wicked Pissahs: 6 (2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012)
Harbor Horrors: 3 (2013, 2014, 2016)
Cosmonaughties: 1 (2015)
Nutcrackers: 1 (2009)


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Boston Massacre Travel Fund

The Boston Massacre is the All-Star travel team from Boston Roller Derby. We are a group of 20 athletes from the Boston area who travel across the country and internationally to compete against other roller derby teams. We are currently ranked 19 out of nearly 300 international member leagues of the Woman’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA).

While we are all extremely passionate about roller derby, it is an expensive hobby to bring to the public. The average travel team skater spends roughly $2,000-$4,000 per year on membership fees, equipment, transportation and lodging. That’s not even including medical expenses that inevitably arise from playing an intense, full-contact sport.

To help lower the financial burden on our skaters, we are raising money for the 2016 season leading up to the Division 1 WFTDA Playoffs. All money raised will go toward airplane tickets, hotel rooms and transportation to games and tournaments.

We dedicate so much of our time, effort and money into roller derby because, to us, it’s more than just a sport. It’s an opportunity for us to give back in small ways like this or this or this. It’s a place to build confident young girls and teens, and it’s an athletic community that welcomes diverse age, body type, racial, ethnic, and gender identities.

Please help us reach our fundraising goal of $15,000 by donating today! From each and everyone of our skaters, we thank you so much for your support!

BOSTON MASSACRE TRAVEL FUND

 


Posted in News


Boston Roller Derby teams celebrate season of success, teamwork

The 2015 season was a powerful and transformative one for Boston Roller Derby, and the coaches and captain of the teams could not be more proud of the success they’ve seen this past year.

The all-star travel team, Boston Massacre, finished the season with a 10-5 record. They placed fifth at their playoff tournament in Omaha this fall, taking wins over Helsinki, No Coast and their first win in league history against Toronto. The strong showing there launched the team to 20th in the world on the WFTDA rankings. The 2014 season had ended with them at 25.

BRD’s home teams also had an exciting year as the teams grew and elevated the competition throughout the season, which ultimately culminated in the Cosmonaughties taking home their first championship win in the team’s ten-year history.

The Cosmonaughties celebrate their championship victory. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The Cosmonaughties celebrate their championship victory. Photo by Joe Medolo.

That triumph was Cosmo co-captain Nora Morse’s proudest moment of the season, though she said she has a lot to be proud of her team for.

That is just a piece of everything that was great about this season.” she said. “Every game we stayed focused on playing together and playing the way that we had trained. Every time we came off the track we had smiles and were complimenting each other on what we were doing well.”

The Cosmos took out the Wicked Pissahs in a close game for the Fez, but as Pissah co-captain Neurotic Tendency explained, the team still had plenty to be happy about this season.

One of our major goals this year was to play cohesively as a team,” she said. “We worked a lot on communication and building solid walls. We have a bunch of talent, and knew if we could play solidly as a team, we could improve our ranking from the last two seasons. Which we did!”

The Nutcrackers had a slow start to the season. Not only did the team draft the most skaters this spring, they also drafted the biggest crop of skaters who were brand new to derby. It was a season of growing and learning for the team, which paid off with time. After going 0-4 at the start of the year, the Nuts pulled out a victory for third place against the Horrors.

From day one of being drafted, the Nut vets took us rookies under their wings,” said Rebel Defiance, who joined the Nutcrackers in the spring draft. “Each week I had new challenges given to me personally and built upon each practice we had.”

This was a season of growth for BRD rookies, like Elektra Cute and Rachel Tensions of the Horrors, pictured above blocking Nutcracker jammer Peaches n’ Creamya . Photo by Joe Medolo.

This was a season of growth for BRD rookies, like Elektra Cute and Rachel Tensions of the Horrors, pictured above blocking Nutcracker jammer Peaches n’ Creamya . Photo by Joe Medolo.

Though the Horrors, defending champions from the last two seasons, placed fourth this year, co-captain MC SlamHer is excited with what her team has accomplished.

Despite our final ranking, we improved a lot this year and got our newer players some valuable experience. Their growth was really impressive,” she said. “We wanted to see a lot of growth from our new players and we totally did.”

Everyone in BRD is training hard in the offseason to come back even bigger and better for 2016, including the participants in our training camp for new skaters. Be sure to check out our website for updates on our schedule and to get discounted tickets for our home games, or sign up for our newsletter.

Cosmonaughties take home historic first win in home team championships

It was a commanding season for the Cosmonaughties this year, as the Boston Roller Derby home team finally clinched its long-awaited Golden Fez victory.

The 2015 Cosmos pose with the Golden Fez after their championship win against the Pissahs. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The 2015 Cosmos pose with the Golden Fez after their championship win against the Pissahs. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The team went undefeated all season to secure a win over the Wicked Pissahs in the final game of the year. After a decade in the league, it was the first championship win for the team, and a moment that co-captain Nora Morse said they have been working hard for.

“We were focused on being dynamic and being able to snap together,” she explained. “We trained with drills that made us go from being spread apart to being a wall. We had a few team goals for the entire season: calm, communication, and fun.”

It was this collection of goals that helped the Cosmos stay together as a team and to develop the connections they needed to play together, she said. For them, playing well wasn’t about watching the score. It was about being in the moment and skating the way they knew how to.

“As a team, the Cosmos were focused on enjoying every minute playing together on the track, talking as much as possible and being dynamic in our walls and game play,” Nora said. “At Champs, you could seeing the smiles as people came off the track and how positive everyone was on the track. We played our game and didn’t let ourselves get caught up in the score or penalties. It was awesome.”

The Cosmos spent the season working on their walls and staying together, which made them a formidable presence on the track. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The Cosmos spent the season working on their walls and staying together, which made them a formidable presence on the track. Photo by Joe Medolo.

Nora said that for her, the best part of leading the team is being able to ask her skaters questions and leading them to collective answers. Moments like that, she said, where she can see little improvements in how people are performing and recognizing when things come together for them are her favorite parts of the job.

“BRD is such a big league with a lot to offer,” she said. The many ways that skaters can get together and grow as individuals and as teammates are what create victories like the Cosmos had this year.

Skaters returning next season: Bad Ass Mama, Brutyl Lithium, Coopa Troopa, Dirty Water, HardCore, Jackie K.O., Killary Clinton, Mobile Chernobyl, Nora Morse, Nora Nova, Serve Her Down, Slam Chowdah, Tears for Phearsome

Skaters who retired in 2015: Artoo Detoonate, Celia Casket, Elle L. Cool Jam, Go Go Gidget, Shayna Nestor*, Space Invader*, Tiny Dancer

*still skating with BRD

 

Wicked Pissahs take second at home team champs, relish in team camaraderie

The Wicked Pissahs are thrilled with what they accomplished this year, finishing the 2015 home team season in second place, up from third in the two seasons before. What’s more, co-captain Neurotic Tendency said, was the attitude and enjoyment that was built into every aspect of the team dynamic.

The 2015 Wicked Pissahs. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The 2015 Wicked Pissahs. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The Wicked Pissahs are thrilled with what they accomplished this year, finishing the 2015 home team season in second place, up from third in the two seasons before. What’s more, co-captain Neurotic Tendency said, was the attitude and enjoyment that was built into every aspect of the team dynamic.

“One of our major goals this year was to play cohesively as a team,” she said. “We worked a lot on communication and building solid walls. We have a bunch of talent, and knew if we could play solidly as a team, we could improve our ranking from the last two seasons. Which we did!”

The team means a lot to the skaters who are on it, Neurotic explained, and said that for her as a captain and a coach, it’s that love and camaraderie that exemplifies what the roller derby community is all about.

“There isn’t one proudest moment as coach for me; it’s all the little moments that I look back on that make me proud. The times when we were de-gearing or having a post-practice meal and someone would say, ‘what a great practice!’, the times when you could see someone take your advice and try it, and their face looked like a light-bulb going off. But mostly the times people would stop me, look in my eyes and say, ‘I love being a Pissah!’”

Neurotic also said that for her, watching her team grow and seeing the way the skaters evolved to work together or to see the advanced skaters helping the new ones reach their personal goals is especially powerful to her.

“We had a really good vibe at the end of the season, our experienced skaters were working really hard with our less experienced skaters so the whole team could grow together,” she said, adding that she doesn’t want to take credit for anyone’s growth.

“That is a lot of their own hard work,” she said, emphasizing that while experienced skaters and a supportive environment gave new skaters the tools to grow, it was their own efforts that made it happen.

For Neurotic, one of the most prominent moments for that came during the playoff game against the Horrors, who had beaten the Pissahs earlier in the season.

“That Horrors game was amazing,” she said. “We played together, didn’t lose focus and managed to pull out the win in a very competitive game. There’s a photo from the last jam when everyone on the bench is standing in solidarity, embracing each other. Moments like that are why we do derby in the first place, and why we love this team.”

The Pissahs watch the final jams of their playoff bout together, a moment that co-captain Neurotic Tendency said showed the solidarity that makes her love her team. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The Pissahs watch the final jams of their playoff bout together, a moment that co-captain Neurotic Tendency said showed the solidarity that makes her love her team. Photo by Joe Medolo.

Neurotic will captain the team again next season, alongside mid-season draft Aubrey Planitz who came in and took on a guiding role for the newer skaters in 2015. Neurotic said that their goals for next year will be much of the same as she worked on with co-captain Evabyn Slapt this past season.

“I hope we can pick up where we left off right away,” she said. “It was great seeing people be challenged and really grow. “

Skaters returning next season: Amy Rock, Aubrey Planitz, Chicana Bruzya, Culta Skaro, Evabyn Slapt, Flighty Aphrodite, Lily Hargis, Miss Mary Smack, Neurotic Tendency, Paula Fierce, Pax-a-Punch, Shelby Brusin’, Stevie Nixher, Sweet Enemy

Skaters who retired in 2015: Bloodbath Bettie, Lisa Lionheart, Slim Hurt’n*, Tara Dactyl, The Gun Show, Truant

*still skating with BRD

 

Nutcrackers pull off decisive late victory in a season of growth and potential

With six new draftees at the start of the 2015, four of whom were rookies, the Nutcrackers knew it would be a season of development and nurturing the potential of new skaters.

The 2015 Nutcrackers. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The 2015 Nutcrackers. Photo by Joe Medolo.

“This season the Nuts had so many new skaters,” co-captain Mandoline Slicer said. “Our primary goals were to learn how to play as a team and to encourage and support each other through this time of growth.”

It may have seemed like a slow start to the year for the Nuts after going 0-3 during the regular season, but behind the scenes they knew that they were getting stronger and learning how to play together as a team. Each practice was an opportunity for growth for their new skaters, and the time the team spent together on the track helped them to evolve into a cohesive unit.

“We’ve been working our little nutty tails off,” Slicer said.

It was hard work that finally paid off in the last game of the season. The Nuts faced off against the Horrors in the third place game during the championship, and for much of the first half the score was very back-and-forth between the two teams. By the end of the game, however, the Nuts had secured a strong lead and took home a long-awaited victory.

The Nutcrackers celebrate their first win of the season. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The Nutcrackers celebrate their first win of the season. Photo by Joe Medolo.

The season wasn’t just about the bouts, however. The Nuts like to work hard and play hard, and off the track support and togetherness was just as much a part of their growth as their drills and practices were.

“Our time together, both on and off the track, was full of laughter and smiles,” Slicer said. The team’s motto for the season “#igotyourback” was all the motivation they needed to learn to work together and develop into a force to be reckoned with on the track.

 

Horrors undergo rebrand, celebrate strength and teamwork in 2015 season

In a close season of challenging victories and hard fought losses, the Horrors have a lot of accomplishments to be proud of.

The 2015 Horrors. Photo by Joe Medolo

The 2015 Horrors. Photo by Joe Medolo

“This team is incredibly hard working and so much fun to be part of,” said co-captain MC SlamHer. “We place a great deal of importance on fitness and working our hardest at every practice and scrimmage.”

That effort often paid off this year, with strong wins against the Wicked Pissahs and the Nutcrackers earlier in the season. Even games lost had moments of greatness for the Horrors, who value the importance of their growth and teamwork above any of their scores.

“I can’t pick a favorite game of the season,” SlamHer said. “All of our home team opponents bring a lot of intensity to the track and each one is a challenge for us. We can play our game, and then all enjoy the after party together. It’s pretty great.”

SlamHer, who is also the head of coaching for Boston Roller Derby, said that for her, the best part of the season revolves around the moments when the team is together celebrating its skaters, citing the end-of-season party where they all gather to celebrate their individual and collective goals of the season.

“I love my teammates,” she said. “I love how players can always push themselves to learn something new or get better at something they have been doing for years. I love how I have met and become friends with some of the greatest, most badass athletes. I love being part of teams that work so hard together to be successful at both the athletic and the business aspects of the sport.”

She said that for the Horrors, the team’s biggest goals were to just work hard, improve a lot and to have fun. She is confident that her team achieved all of those goals this year.

“We wanted to see a lot of growth from our new players, and we totally did,” she explained.

Horrors co-captain MC SlamHer lines up against Womanimal during their final game of the season. Photo by Joe Medolo.

Horrors co-captain MC SlamHer lines up against Womanimal during their final game of the season. Photo by Joe Medolo.

That goal isn’t going to change for next season. The team is constantly striving to be the best skaters that they can be, and when they find ways to improve, that’s a victory their coach is proud of.

What will be changing for the team next year is the name. Originally named the Arkham Horrors, the team once played with a theme of early 20th century horror in the vein of H.P. Lovecraft. Lovecraft is a famed writer in the horror and sci-fi genre who drew inspiration from Massachusetts locations, but the team discovered after choosing this name that the author had racial worldviews that are directly in contrast with the values of the Horrors and of BRD. The team has moved to strike any reference to the writer from their team, and will be rebranding as a new kind of Horror for 2016.

Skaters returning next season: America Ferocious, Beantown Brawler, Boston CreamHer, Della Kinetic, Dolly Spartan, Elektra Cute, Feowulf, Five Penny, Flyin’ King, Fuzzta Rhymes, Hook, Kacie Mclean, MC Slamher, Tiger Eye, Trauma in the D.R., Wednesday Atoms, Rachel Tensions, Rainbow Crash, The Kat’s PaJAMas

Skaters who retired in 2015: Catherine the Irate


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CONGRATULATIONS COSMOS, GOLDEN FEZ CHAMPIONS 2015

Photo by Ivan Singer

After a hard fought home team season, the Cosmonaughties emerged victorious to take home their first Fez Cup win, defeating the Wicked Pissahs.

Third place went to the Nutcrackers in their first win of the season. Defending champions the Horrors took fourth.

FINAL STANDINGS
1. Cosmonaughties, 5-0
2. Wicked Pisshahs, 2-3
3. Nutcrackers, 1-4
4. Horrors, 2-3


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December 13, 2014: Third Place Game – Nuts vs. Pissahs

The Wicked Pissahs and the Nutcrackers kicked off their last bout of the home team season on December 14th at Shriner’s Auditorium in Wilmington. The Pissahs took an early lead, with jammers like Stevie Nixher, Chicana, Sweet Enemy, Truant, and Rock scoring points off of the Nuts. The Pissahs’ blocking looked extra-sharp, and their jammers took full advantage of it. The Pissahs’ new recruit Sweet Enemy got through thanks to a gorgeous 3-wall helmed by Maully O’Fender. The Nutcrackers went hard against the Pissahs’ walls – Senora Slaughter rocketed across the track, bouncing off of blockers, and Wammy and Hard Times did excellent jobs of getting through the pack quickly on their initial passes.

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The Nuts had a few streaks of getting lead jammer, but the Pissah defense was tough to beat. The jams came short and rough in the beginning and got longer as the game progressed, with both teams getting power jams. Dottie Danger performed some outstanding offense and helped get her jammer through on multiple occasions. She swung in seemingly out of nowhere and knocked blockers out of position. Still, the Pissahs held on to their lead, and the score reached 87-45 by halftime: not a high-scoring game, due to strong walls in the pack.

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The dynamic packs showed how much both teams have been practicing: the bridging was tight and smartly done. The Nuts inched closer to the Pissahs’ score in the second half. Stevie Nixher made an apex jump to leave the Nuts’ blockers in the dust, but then Badonkey Kong swept in and knocked her about a mile out of bounds!

Womanimal heard the call and when she hit the track next, she repeatedly lapped the Pissah jammer. Then, when Hard Times got yet another power jam, the Nuts were looking like they could come from behind and win it! The score came to 170-159, the Pissahs up by eleven points, and in the final jam Dottie Danger called it off to thunderous cheers from the crowd. The Wicked Pissahs won but both teams went home proud.

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October 11, 2014: Cosmos vs Nuts & Horrors vs Pissahs

Bout 1 – Cosmonaughties vs. Nutcrackers

In the night’s opening jam, the Nutcrackers put Senora Slaughter on the line up against the Cosmonaughties’ Elle Elle Cool Jam. The Cosmos got on the scoreboard first as Elle got lead jammer and Elle took full advantage of it, weaving in and out in a power jam!

The Nutcrackers challenged the Cosmonaughties in October’s Home Team bout. The Cosmos took an early lead as their jammer Elle Elle Cool Jam put up points, getting a power jam at the very first opportunity! Next up, Dottie Danger rocketed through the pack thanks to an effective screen by her teammate Smackerena, putting the Nuts on the board and bringing the score to 28-2 in favor of the Cosmonaughties.

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Belle Air Bomber, returning to the track for the Nuts, scored two points along the inside line, and then her teammate Senora Slaughter had a neat ten point jam thanks to her blockers EmNasty, Mandoline Slicer, and Peaches ‘n CreamYa who had Cosmo jammer Celia Casket trapped in a Nutcracker Swirl. She-Bear retaliated for the Cosmos, slamming through the Nuts wall and somehow magically untying Dottie Danger’s skate! Dottie paused to tie her laces, passing the star to Nuts team Captain, Planitz Collide. She-B scored ten, then Elle scored four, and the Cosmos appeared to be taking control of the game. However the Nuts pulled answered back in the next jam, and Slaughter toe-stopped her way to ten points for the Nuts, and then Mandoline Slicer scored a few more too! Nutcrackers closing the gap, 42-27.

There was a diverse group of jammers playing tonight – both teams seemed to be trying out their entire roster. The back-and-forth of getting lead jammer continued, but the Cosmos asserted themselves on the track with powerful, agile jamming and their lead lengthened to 40-50 points where it stayed for much of the bout. The Nuts showed incredible stamina and ability to let hits roll right off of them, but ultimately weren’t able to fight off the Cosmo jammers who just ripped through the packs.

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The Cosmos won 248-148, remaining undefeated this home team season. They definitely have their eyes on the Fez Cup this year.

Bout 2 – Wicked Pissahs vs. Arkham Horrors

The Wicked Pissahs played against last year’s Fez Cup winners, the Arkham Horrors.  The Pissahs’ defense helmed by Amy Rock, Estrogeena Davis, and Neurotic Tendency dealt with the Horrors while Truant scored the first lead jammer status of the bout. Truant power jammed, scoring 26 points to give the Pissahs a hefty starting lead! Stevie Nixher and Flyin’ King were on the jammer line next, for the Pissahs and Horrors respectively – these two are teammates on Boston Massacre, do they know all each other’s moves? King had a hard time getting out of the pack as the Pissah wall kept recycling on itself, and Nixher scored four points.

Lisa Lionheart landed some huge hits to clear the way for Gun Show, who got another power jam for the Pissahs. Horrors blockers Trauma, Hayley Contagious, and America Ferocious got Guns next time though, bear-hugging her into submission while KC Wastem got out ahead. Mean hits by Hayley kept the Pissahs in line for a jam or two, the score was 51-4, Pissahs.

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Nixher struggled to pass Wednesday Atoms and America Ferocious, so she passed the star to Rock. Jam after jam passed with no scoring, leaving the crowd to wonder who would break the streak. The Pissahs did, putting up small points on the board, but then King came in and got a big jam, bringing the score to 62-33 with the Pissahs in the lead.

We saw a couple huge jams in a row and both teams showed off their mental endurance, keeping gameplay tight. Rock broke apart a Horror pack but inadvertently let Rainbow Crash slide through behind her. KC Wastem got lead jammer again as a huge hit by Fuzzta Rhymes knocked the Pissahs out of commission for a few seconds. MC Slamher, co-captain of the Horrors, got lead jammer next and tightened the race further to 74-55, Pissahs. Rainbow Crash came up and scored eight points for the Horrors by landing a big hit and sliding through when the Pissahs’ wall got a bit wobbly. The Horrors continued to inch closer to the Pissahs’ score, Captain Hook dealing with blockers like Geena to let the Horror jammer through – the Pissah lead was only 6 points!! However, Rock stepped up and padded the lead, making two scoring passes to every one done by the Horrors.

The Pissahs made some effective plays, like when Geena caught Rainbow Crash in a series of painful-looking runbacks. Rock continued to scatter the Horrors’ ranks and Stevie Nixher seemed to leap right over them. The Pissahs’ lead got bigger and bigger as they kept getting lead jammer, and the score was 170-146 by the end of the 44th jam.

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The Horrors put in Rainbow Crash with only 3 ½ minutes left in the bout, and the crowd was on edge wondering whether the Horrors would bring it back. Truant was held back by a very determined pack of blockers while Crash made pass after pass – Truant passed the star to Geena – Crash wasn’t stopping, she plowed through with the help of her blockers, suddenly the game was tied! It was 170-170 with two minutes left! Crash scored one more point and for the first time in the game they were winning, IN THE LAST JAM! Crash got sent to the box and Nixher started on the line for the Pissahs, who did it: they ended it. The Pissahs won 182-175!!


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Sept 13, 2014: Horrors vs Nuts, Cosmos vs Pissahs

What a double header! On September 13th, the Horrors took on the Nutcrackers, and the Cosmonaughties went up against the Wicked Pissahs.

Bout 1: ARKHAM HORRORS vs. NUTCRACKERS

The Nutcrackers’ Señora Slaughter became the first lead jammer of the night, beating out Flyin’ King and scoring two points. Next up, the Horrors formed a tight wall to hold back Nuts jammer Haddie Collider, and Horrors co-captain MC Slamher got a power jam while Haddie went to the penalty box. Jam two was fast and exciting; both teams’ defense put jammers through the wringer and the score skyrocketed to 22-2, with the Arkham Horrors in the lead. Twenty-two points in one jam! Horrors defense continued to shine but couldn’t hold back Nuts jammer Womanimal from making several scoring passes. She sliced through the pack like a hot knife through butter, scoring 31 points!

The Horrors got a power jam when Dottie Danger went to the penalty box, and Flyin’ King swept through and scored eleven points. The Horrors showed off some very effective blocking strategies, like when America Ferocious, Captain Hook, and Haley Contagious formed a stable 3-woman wall with 4th blocker Rainbow Crash in the back taking the brunt of the jammer’s force.

We saw some accidental Horror-on-Horror action while Tiger was jamming, but that didn’t get in the way of either team racking up more points. There was lovely backwards blocking by Nutcracker Mandoline Slicer in the 8th jam, while Womanimal charged through.

In the 9th, Horror America Ferocious got lead jammer with Haddie hot on her tail, too close for America’s comfort apparently because she called it off quickly with the score still hovering around 53-46, Horrors.

KC Wastem got caught in a nasty hug by the Nuts Blockers, including EM Nasty and co-captain Smackarena, while Señora Slaughter raced ahead racking up crazy amounts of points, bringing the score up to 62-53, Nuts.

In jam 12, Horror Flyin’ King got a sweet power jam on a technicality which sent the Nutcracker jammer to the box, and the Horrors reclaimed the lead.

In the 14th, lead jammer Señora Slaughter came up against a hard wall, bounced right off of it, and kept going to score two points to the Horrors’ one.

The walls were strong, and we saw both jammers throwing themselves mightily against blockers, attempting to score. In beautiful offensive blocking, Dottie Danger bashed up the Horrors pack just in time for Señora Slaughter to slide through. Danger took the star pass and juked past Haley Contagious, who nearly knocked Dottie out on her next pass – another big jam, and the Nutcrackers claimed the lead: 93-85.

The Horrors defense was on point and the Nutcrackers’ jammers must have been frustrated by all the runbacks. However, Planitz Collide did her best to keep the Horrors busy while Dottie Danger power jammed her way through jam 21, racking up a ton of points (34 in one jam!) and extending the Nuts’ lead to 131-88.

HALFTIME

The Nuts got first blood in the second half, as blockers Reckless Rehab and Mandoline Slicer held back the Horrors’ jammer while Señora Slaughter skated ahead and scored.

Arkham Horror MC Slamher got a fifteen point power jam in the 27th, tightening the score to 137-107. Next we saw Nuts Captain Planitz Collide knock the Horrors jammer Rainbow Crash out with a wicked shoulder hit, but Crash recovered and got lead jammer. Womanimal did a great job holding Crash back until she was sent to the box for making contact too far ahead of the pack.

The Horrors continued to chip away at the Nutcrackers’ lead, and by the end of the 31st jam the score was Nuts 135, Horrors 124 – an 11 point game, folks.

Captain Hook and Tiger Eye held back Slaughter while King was stuck in runbacks, but Slaughter broke through and tacked on five points to the Nuts’ lead.

Trauma and Fuzzta Rhymes worked together to hold back Wammy in the 34th.  In the 35th, King broke through very quickly and snuck in a few points before Slaughter caught up to her. With about fifteen minutes left in the game, the Nutcrackers were ahead by 12 points. Despite a hard-fought bout so far, neither team seemed tired and the jams were only getting more intense.

Both teams were getting more wary of the other team scoring points, and jams were being called off just as quickly as they begun. Despite awesome blocking by the Nuts, King sneaked down the inside line with Hayley Contagious knocking Nuts out of the way for her. One jam later the horrors reclaimed the lead! Helmed by lead jammer America Ferocious, they brought it up to 145-144!

In jam 40, once again we saw MC SlamHer on the jammer line next to Haddie Collider. This time the Nuts blockers steered Horrors all over the track and the Haddie got the lead back for them once more!

Badonkey Kong, Wild Boardom, Mandoline Slicer, and Planitz Collide formed a wall to hold Slamher back, but she powered through and scored twenty points, bringing the Horrors a healthy lead with only seven minutes to go.

Horrors Fuzzta Rhymes and Captain Hook kept Haddie Collider occupied while Crash raced around and scored nineteen points. After jam 45, the Horrors were up by forty points! 191-151.

Dottie, Reckless, and Hex formed a booty wall to keep Slamher back but once again she couldn’t be stopped from racking up three more points. Something both teams excelled at is regrouping after a jammer tears through their pack – the jammers really got a workout dealing with this tight defense.

The Nuts didn’t give up, and kept up with the Horrors, trading points for points in the last few jams of the night. As the clock wound down in the last jam, MC Slamher took lead jammer and casually called it off knowing her team had won.

The official final score for the Arkham Horrors vs. the Nutcrackers is 199-160. It was a hard-won game, and both teams showed off how much they’ve been practicing.

 

BOUT 2: COSMONAUGHTIES vs. WICKED PISSAHS

The Pissahs and the Cosmos both had a great night and got their hits in, but in the end the on-point Cosmonaughtie defense determined the fate of this bout.

The first Pissah pack featured Geena and Maully O’ffender on offense clearing the way for Gun Show, but Guns got sucked back into the pack and Hard Core pulled ahead, scoring the first 4 points of the game for the Cosmonaughties!

Truant of the Wicked Pissahs and Jackie KO of the Cosmos were neck and neck in the next jam, already we saw a difference between this and the earlier bout – these jammers aren’t letting jams go long, they’re calling them off to prevent the other team from scoring.

The teams traded a few points for the first jams, Elle winding through the pack of red Pissahs while Guns got caught in some nasty tumbles with the Cosmo blockers – the Pissah jammer made scoring passes, but because her jammer star was inside out, the Pissahs didn’t get any points.

Can anyone explain how Stevie Nixher manages to make jamming look so effortless, particularly when she’s up against an opposing jammer like Hard Core? Pissahs Evabyn Slapt, Fierce, Rock, and Lionheart did their part to hold Hard Core back during a power jam but the Cosmos still scored thirteen points, bringing the score to 30-2, Cosmos.

Jackie KO and Truant seemed to be taking turns getting lead jammer. For a few jams there nobody was scoring, but then Wicked Pissah Rock got called up to jam and boy, did she answer the call, smashing neatly through the blue pack, shortening the Cosmos’ lead to 33-6. Guns and Elle have very different styles so it was cool to see them jamming against each other. Up next, Celia Casket landed some mean hits on jammer Stevie Nixher, but Nixher stayed in bounds.

Next up, Space Invader earned lead jammer by turning on a dime to get past Rock, then pulled off the most beautiful apex jump of all time (OF ALL TIME!). Unfortunately for the Cosmos, Space went to the box shortly after and Guns racked up many delicious points in her absence. Cosmo blockers Koopa Troopa, Dirty Water, and Shayna Nestor put up a fight, tying up Gun Show in time for Space to return to the track and earn back some of those power jam points. The two-minute jam was exhausting just to watch, and the score rose to 51-31, Cosmos.

Low to the ground as always, Elle got lead jammer beating against the Pissah wall formed by Neurotic and Estrogeena Davis – and then Davis got the star pass!

Does anybody else get shivers when the announcer roars, “Haaaard Cooore!”? With her help, the Cosmos put up massive points, bringing it to 73-35 at the end of the 15th jam.

Geena picked up lead jammer while Smack and Slim Hurt’n kept She-Bear away from the picnic basket. Cosmos Phearsome and Bad-Ass Mama held the Pissah jammer back though, and Space took the star pass just in time to do some crazy skate acrobatics and score a few points – the Pissahs scored 10 and the Cosmos scored 21, bringing the score to 94-45, Cosmos.

The 17th Elle got a power jam and skated around doing whatever her heart desired, well, except for when she got pushed out of bounds by Rock.

A lot happened in jam 19, but announcer Maya Mangleyou said it best, “Neurotic gave Jackie KO the business.” Up next, Truant took lead jammer and jumped the apex, nearly landing on a Cosmo.

The Pissahs were getting lead jammer plenty, but not racking up points like the Cosmos – would they be able to come back? A Pissah star pass to Rock, and a Cosmo star pass to Celia Casket, and Jam 22 upped the ante – the Pissahs scored 8 points.

Hardcore bashed her way through the Pissah lines just before halftime, and the score came to 132-70.

HALFTIME

Coming back from halftime, the jams came quick and low-scoring as neither team wanted to give up any points.  Pissah jammer Truant pulled just ahead of Cosmo jammer Celia Casket, working to minimize the Cosmos’ lead.

In the next jam, Cosmo Elle Elle Cool Jam and Pissah Stevie Nixher were so close, Stevie instigated some jammer-on-jammer action (everybody’s favorite kind of action), and the score rose to 139-79. Next, Rock and Gun Show snaked through the Cosmo pack and earned a few more. The Cosmo pack tightened up, though, and in jam 30 Truant came up against vicious defense while Elle scored against the Pissahs, despite excellent crowd control by Pissah blocker Maully and a knockout knock-out by Evabyn Slapt.

Celia Casket dived, ducked, dipped, dived, and dodged to gain lead jammer status and scored five points.

Not to be outdone, Nixher made an incredible apex jump, the fans went wild, and everything else on the track turned into a blur. What’s going on? Are we still playing roller derby? WHAT YEAR IS IT?? Oh right, it’s 2014 and the score is 149-90, Cosmos.

The Cosmos really worked the runbacks in this game, and the Pissahs’ jammer’s frustration was almost palpable. Hardcore outmaneuvered the Pissah Pack to rack up points in the 33rd jam, leaving the score 163-89.

Shayna Nestor and Artoo took turns trying to hit Pissah jammer Stevie Nixher out of bounds, but she kept bouncing back and gave Elle a run for her money in the 34th.

Next up, Hardcore carved her way across the track as lead jammer, and the score came up to 167-100.

Nixher took lead jammer once again, and she and Elle raced against each other with the pack moving unnaturally fast, for a second it looked like banked track derby. With just under fifteen minutes left in the game, the score was 175-113, Cosmonaughties.

Jam 38 started with the teams forming distinct packs between the jammer and pivot lines, and Rock rushed through the Cosmos to earn four sweet points for the Pissahs. This was an engaging game for the refs, who encountered lots of challenges and handled them with aplomb.

A star pass from Truant to Slapt, and then from Harcore to Shayna Nestor, quickly changed the face of jam 39. Slapt briefly power jammed, but it was the Cosmos who took the most points, moving the score up to 198-122.

The refs had all eyes on them during another official review – a good chance for us in the audience to make friends with our neighbors!

The Cosmonaughtie’s defense really shone in Jam 40, holding back the jammer while Shayna Nestor pulled ahead to widen the Cosmo’s lead.

Guns got a power jam in 42, racking up ten points, and up next Truant scored three more! Every time the Pissahs needed a big jam, Truant delivered.

The Cosmos answered back in jam 45 as Celia Casket charged ahead to gain the lead and a couple of points. With five minutes left in the game, the score was 212-146.

Next up we saw the slightly scary matchup of Hard Core vs. Rock, and it was anybody’s guess what would happen. Hard Core was hindered but ultimately not held back by the Pissah’s 4-wall, and she got lead jammer. The Cosmo blockers stayed very close together, while the Pissahs spread their forces across the track.

A few more jams, and a nice screen by Neurotic Tendency, where she used her body to lean on an opposing blocker and open up an alley for her jammer, brought the score to 239 to 150, Cosmos.

The last jam pitted Elle against TruantTruant took lead and had a great jam. Final Score: 242 to 158, Cosmonaughties!


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